April 24th

I had my first doctor’s appointment today. I knew 10 weeks was on the early side to visit (my doctor likes to see you between 10-12 weeks) but it was either take the appointment today or wait two weeks into May to see him. I opted for today.

Kent was kind enough to leave work a little early so he could attend the appointment with me.

When it came time to check for the heartbeat Dr. G. couldn’t seem to find it. He said that wasn’t abnormal as 10 weeks was on the early side for being able to hear it so wasn’t too concerned. I jokingly told him that was the best part so I was a little disappointed. He told me he had a clunky older ultrasound machine he could wheel in if I wanted him to try and find the heartbeat, that way I could at least see it. I looked to Kent for his opinion and he just smiled and said to do whatever I wanted to. I told Dr. G. that if he had time and it wouldn’t upset the rest of his day too much I would love to see the heartbeat.

Dr. G. got the ultrasound set up and then starting looking for the heartbeat. While he was looking he kept asking me the date of the first day my last cycle and then if I was sure about that date. I told him I was, that I had tracked it really well. He then pointed out my uterus and what he thought was the baby. He then said the baby was a little smaller than what he expected but maybe my dates were a little off or ovulation was later than normal or something similar to that. He told us he could try to schedule an ultrasound for tonight or tomorrow if we wanted to check the due date/growth or we could wait two weeks and come back and he could check for the heartbeat. I told him I wasn’t really a wait and see kind of gal so I would like to schedule an ultrasound.

Luckily the hospital was able to get us in right away so we left from the doctor’s office to the hospital. Dr. G. told us that by the time we got done with the ultrasound the tech would probably have to call the on-call doctor who would then relay the information to us.

During the ultrasound I couldn’t really see the technician but Kent said he would measure things on the screen and then shake his head. Measure and then shake his head. He also kept asking me if I was sure about my dates. At one point during the ultrasound he called a doctor and said something to the effect of, “I have a woman here supposed to be at 10 weeks but measuring about 7 and there is no yoke sac. Uh-huh. Ok. Uh-huh.” And then he hung up.

I knew when I heard “no yoke sac” things were not looking good.

When the tech was finished Kent and I mentioned we knew he couldn’t really say much but was there anything he could tell us? He said we were right he couldn’t tell us anything but then he turned the monitor and said, “But right now I am writing up the report I am going to give your doctor.” It basically said no cardiac rhythm, fetus seems to be at approximately 7 weeks and no yoke sac.

The tech then left so he could get our doctor on the phone to speak with me. Dr. W. was the one who was on the phone. After he kindly told me the results he told me that we have 3 options. 1- Wait about 2 weeks and see if things happen naturally. 2- There is a pill I could take that would induce a miscarriage but it can be pretty intense so they usually prescribe pain killers at the same time. 3- They could schedule a D&C (dilation and curettage) and explained the procedure and the risks involved (even if things happen naturally or I opt for the pill, a D&C could still be needed).

I told Dr. W. that Dr. G. had been optimistic and had scheduled an appointment 2 weeks from today. I told him I would like to keep that appointment, see what happens and if nothing does discuss our options at that time. Dr. W. said that sounded good and what he would have recommended.

Kent and I then left the hospital and drove home. We told the girls what had happened. They were, of course, upset. We then went over to Mom and Dad H.’s to tell them and to get a blessing.

After the blessing we went and picked up Kent ’s brother Truman and went to the park to visit with friends.

After the park we went out to dinner and then came home and just tried to process our day.

During this time of I trial I know I have many things to be grateful for.

I am grateful for a kind and loving husband to went to my appointment with me.

I am grateful for a thoughtful husband who passed on attending a Boy Scout campout this weekend because I have been feeling so sick lately. I know he would have stayed behind with me; however, I am glad he didn’t have to choose between getting ready/leaving for the campout or coming to my appointment nor did he have to scramble at the last minute to find someone to replace him.

I am grateful for a worthy husband that during times of trial in my life he can lay his hands on my head and give me peace and comfort from my Heavenly Father.

I am grateful for the peace my faith brings me during times of trial. I know my life is being led by a loving Heavenly Father that sees a bigger picture for my life than this moment, this heartache.

I am grateful for kind medical personnel who didn’t make me feel trivial or unimportant. (Dr. G. even called me when he heard the news from Dr. W.)

I am grateful to a kind hearted tech who let us see the screen which allowed me a few minutes to compose and prepare myself while I waited to hear from the doctor.

I am grateful that things worked out so that we would know the situation now (early doctor’s appointment, ultrasound appointment available right away, etc.). If things had started happening naturally I think I would have been a lot more scared/upset than I will be now because I can try to prepare myself for the things I still have to go through.

I know that miscarriages happen for a reason and that our family is not yet complete.